Depression Kills

The room is dark, your mind… dark, your heart… dark. Everything is dark and you feel a never ending darkness around you. Will you ever be able to see the light again? Absolutely nothing is going the way you want it too and all you want to do is sit in your room and cry. But you can’t, you must go on through the day doing what you’re suppose too. It starts with work… you hate work to begin with so this is the last place you want to be. One hour down, eight more to go. It is hell. All you want to do is cry..nothing but suicidal thoughts, bad images, anger, rage, sorrow, and regret running through your head – You find an excuse to leave work before you lose it. 

You’re on the verge of a mental breakdown. You haven’t had one for a long time and this one is coming on harder than the usual ones. Finally made it home and into your bed before you had to talk to your parents or family members. Your girlfriend asks you to hangout but you tell her you’re sick because you don’t want to tell her whats going on.. always afraid she wont understand.. not wanting to hear “do this, you’ll be fine” or even have a conversation in general. You”ll handle it which means put music in and fall asleep.

Instead of falling asleep you regret your whole existence and everything you’ve done in your life. Trying to figure out why you were stuck shit out of luck and given depression. Starting to contemplate if there really is a good somewhere and if so, why is there depression and every other mental health issue.. what have you done to get depression? why not this person? or that person? 

The suicidal thoughts come back into your head as you listen to the music. Whats the best way to take your life? Not pills, you’ll just be in pain and get your stomach pumped.. slit your throat? mhmm, thats to intense and I heard you end up choking on your blood – shitty way to die. I could always hang myself? That’d be really time consuming and id have to put in a lot of effort. If only I had a gun.. Wait, my dad has a gun.

– 12

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